GPurvis
The Making of a Confederate Veteran
Thu May 24 23:22:33 2001


A cousin in Montana sent this to me, enjoy.
George:


How God Created Confederate Veterans

by Gene Ladnier

When the Lord was creating Confederate veterans, He was into his tenth day of overtime when a curious angel appeared. "You're certainly putting in a lot of extra effort on this model Lord," the Angel remarked.

And God said, "Have you seen the specifications on this order? A Confederate veteran has to be able to march thirty miles through rough terrain without shoes if required, endure with barely any sleep for days, enter into battle without a break from the march, and keep his weapon clean and operable."

"He has to be able to sit on a forward picket line all night and often during a massive attack, hold his buddies as they die, retreat
or advance at a moments notice, and somehow keep his senses alert for danger."

"He has to be in top physical condition, existing on a handful of dried corn and very little rest. And he has to have six pairs of
hands."

The angel shook his head slowly and said, "Six pair of hands...no way!"

The Lord says, "It's not the hands that's causing me problems...It's the three pair of eyes a Confederate veteran has to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through wilderness brush, another pair here in the side of his head for his buddies, another pair here in front that can look reassuringly at his bleeding, fellow soldier and say, "You'll make it"...when he knows he won't."

"Lord, rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord. "I already have a model that can carry a wounded soldier one thousand yards during a frontal assault, calm the fears of the latest new veteran, and feed a squad of ten men on a handful of cornbread for three days."

The angel walked around the model and remarked, "Can it think?"

"You bet," said the Lord. "It can quote most of the bible line by line, recite his weapons drill and company commands by heart, and
engage in a division size attack maneuver in less time than it takes for his fellow Confederates back home to read the latest casualty list, and still keep his sense of patriotism."

"This Confederate veteran must also have phenomenal personal control. He can deal with 75 percent casualties, comfort a fallen soldier's family, and then read in the Yankee newspapers how all Confederate soldiers are cowards, slave abusers, traitors, and men of low morals."

The Lord gazed into the future and said, "He will also endure having his name vilified and spit on, and he will be rejected and forgotten
by the very Southerners he fought and died for."

Finally, the angel slowly ran his finger across the veteran's cheek, and said, "There's a leak...I told you Lord that you were trying to
put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord. "That's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for bottled up emotions, for holding fallen soldiers as they die, and for commitment to that funny piece of cloth they call the
Confederate Battle Flag."

"You're a genius," said the angel, casting a glance at the lonely tear.

The Lord looked very somber, as if seeing down eternity's distant shores..."I didn't put it there," he said!